Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
