why didn't you poke me back
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
