Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
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