How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
