well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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