I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
