moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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