apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
