i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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