Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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