is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
