maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
