I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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