It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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