sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
