Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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