Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
