i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
