and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
