mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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