i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
