I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
