Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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