There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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