We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
