Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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