Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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