I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
