I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just found a bag of teeth...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
