I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
