During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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