fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
