I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
