and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
