the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
