am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
