I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
