Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize