no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
