I can tuck mytits in my pants
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
