I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
