I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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