I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
