i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
