I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
