Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
