its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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