I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
