She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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