New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize