True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Randomize
