watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
