I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
