She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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