end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
