yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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