Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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