You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
