I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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