Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
