someone get that fucking seahorse.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
