That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
