I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
