Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my being single is dangerous.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
