my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
