There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
