how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
