I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
