If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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