remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
