We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
